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by adam mathes
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Unsent Messages

Today, I present:

A Brief Selection of Instant messages I Have Not Sent to People I Used to Go to College With

or

A Brief Selection of Not Funny Bits That Require Too Much Background to Laugh at Anyway

So, without further ado…

[To a girl I spoke to only once who liked cartoons]
I would totally have married you but you really liked Dexter’s Lab so I knew it wouldn’t have worked out.

[To a girl who shall remain nameless]
I can’t believe you had sex with Ian. Like a million times.

[To a girl who constantly flirted with me]
You are very, very attractive and I regret that I never tried to make out with you.

[To a former special prosecutor’s daughter]
I think it’s really lame you never tried to get into a fight with Chelsea.

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