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by adam mathes
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Copy Boy

I truly and deeply believe that international political and diplomatic disputes are very serious business. Which is why I have been paying particular attention to stories on the handling of the weapons inspectors’ reports on Iraq, especially when the UN Secretary General has critisicm -

Mr Annan - responding to questions from BBC World Service listeners - said the decision to allow the US to take the only complete copy of the document to edit it before it was released to non-permanent Council members ‘was fine, but the approach and style were wrong’.

[…] Iraq earlier accused the US of ‘unprecedented blackmail’ and warned that Washington could alter the contents of the document, which has already been distributed to the five permanent Council members.

Some of the 10 non-permanent members of the Council have criticised the moves to restrict early access to the files, which Baghdad says prove that it has no weapons of mass destruction.”

Ignoring the obvious jokes that the U.S. is the world’s copy boy (we immediately made copies for the other five permanent security council members, like the damned UN couldn’t afford the paper) the real comedy is when you just imagine what will happen when the revised report is released.

[The US drops a huge stack of reports that look nearly identical to the old reports.]

US: Well, here’s the new report. It’s still 12,000 pages, but we have clear, conclusive evidence that Iraq has weapons.

[Iraq flips through the report.]

Iraq: Hey! This is the same report, but every time we wrote “we have no weapons” you crossed out the no! You bastards!

US: Scramble all fighters! Launch all F-16’s! Airdrop the tanks! Send in Delta Force!

Iraq: But… but… somebody, Russia? France? Anybody? Anybody here not crazy?

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