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by adam mathes
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Unrealistic Expectations

Jobs I once wanted but have since given up on as unrealistic:

Astronaut - When I was younger, I was very excited by space and the planets. Then, when I was six, I was at Cape Canaveral when the Challenger exploded.

Actor - I was a very loud child who was constantly talking, and I was a ham, and liked being on stage. Then around 3rd grade I decided I was too shy and nervous to perform and so the end of my acting career was a grade school play, I think.

SNL regular - I started watching Saturday Night Live when I was nine. (This was in 1989.) I loved it and decided that my main goal in life was to get on the show. Again, I soon decided I was too shy and lacked talent, and that my real interest was in being…

SNL writer - After giving up on being a not-for-prime-time player, I decided that I was a comic genius and wanted to write sketch comedy. I’m not really sure when I gave up wanting to write for SNL. Probably sometime when my soul was being crushed in middle school.

Game designer - I spent very, very large chunks of my childhood playing computer games, and specifically adventure games and interactive fiction. I wanted to create vast, explorable game environments with great stories behind them. Then adventure games died (or commited suicide, depending on who you ask.) Somehow, even though I kind of hate the computer and video game industries now, I ended up with a computer science degree because of all this.

Sarah Silverman’s boytoy - ever since I saw her on Conan O’Bryan a few years ago, I’ve been madly in love with her. Wait, actually, I haven’t give up on this one yet. Sarah, if you’re reading this, CALL ME!



I keep hoping that one of the times I randomly miss a day and there’s no daily entry (like last Friday) somebody will notice and complain, but it never seems to happen.

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