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by adam mathes
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Because the Baroness Is Really Hot

In last night’s episode of GI Joe, Worlds Without End - Part Two, a small force of Joes find themselves trapped in an alternate dimension where Cobra has established a world empire and GI Joe has been eliminated.

While it is an alternate dimension, most of the important things about the GI Joe universe remain the same. The Dreadnoks, although law enforcement officers, are still incompetent. Cobra Commander, although supreme emperor of the world, still insists on doing things like trying to kill captured GI Joes with electronic Boa Constrictors.

But that’s not the point. At the end of the episode (and I really hate to spoil this for all of you but in the end the Joes do escape the dimension) when the Joes find the portal to take them back to their own dimension, Steeler, after a quick embrace with the Baroness (who in this dimension is a double agent, doesn’t wear glasses, is madly in love with him, and surprisingly even hotter without her glasses) announces that he’s had a revelation: the fight between Cobra and the Joes really does matter!

See, before they got trapped in the other dimension, Steeler was talking about how the whole Cobra vs Joe thing really didn’t matter, the fighting was pointless, that sort of thing.

And so he announces that he’s staying in the alternate dimension.

“But you might never be able to come back,” Flint explains, because as third in command of the Joe force it is his duty to always state the obvious.

“Yeah, umm, Flint, in this dimension the Baroness wants me. In the dimension I came from she doesn’t.”

“But Cobra Commander is the supreme emperor and has taken over the world!”

“But the Baroness is really hot!”

Then Grunt announces that he’s staying behind too.

“That doesn’t make any sense!” Flint exclaims.

“Orders from the top brass.”

“Duke? General Hawk? We haven’t been in contact with them.”

“No, Hasbro.”

“Yeah, my toy isn’t selling well either, I mean, umm, I want to face the challenge of rebuilding GI Joe,” Clutch adds.

Meanwhile, the Baroness is still really, really hot.

“You guys are jackasses. Lady Jaye, let’s go back to the normal dimension where there aren’t huge statues of Cobra Commander in Washington,” and with that Flint stares at Lady Jaye’s ass as she jumps through the closing portal, then follows her through.

THE END

And I missed the start of the closing “lesson to kids” because I went to get some milk and cookies, but when I came back, Shipwreck was telling some four-year-old, “That’s right you fricking barnacle-brain. But now you know.”

And then his bird chimed in with, “Squawk! And knowing is half the battle!”

And they all laughed because he had panties draped on his beak.

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