trenchant.org

by adam mathes
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Recycling Existing Text

A few months ago I got the complete Schoolhouse Rock on DVD. I hadn’t watched them in a while, and decided to take notes.

By “notes” of course I mean short, sarcastic commentary that I intended to put on my website.

Not one of my better ideas, obviously, and, judging from the text file I just found, I apparently only got through about half of the grammar ones before giving up.

But I’ve decided that low quality, bad ideas, and half-finished status shouldn’t stop things from going on this site.

Unpack Your Adjectives - That part where the girl gets taller, and the boy gets smaller, until one is the tallest and one is the smallest, but then the girl stomps on the boy… that seems wrong.

Lolly Lolly Lolly Get Your Adverbs Here - they just give the adverbs away? What kind of business is this? How do they make money? Why aren’t they starving?

Conjunction Junction - I don’t think hobos are that happy and dancing around normally. And aren’t train conductors and hobos essentially mortal enemies?

Interjections! - The most important interjection in the English language is ‘fuck.’ That should’ve been mentioned.

Rufus Xavier Sarsparilla - Rufus seems to have an unnaturally close relationship to that kangaroo. This video really makes me want to own a rhinoceros. Seriously, how great is that rhino?

Verb: That’s What’s Happening - At first you think, wow, that’s great that there’s a black superhero, way to break down racial barriers! But any superhero whose power involves taking a “rake” and then “raking” doesn’t seem like much of a superhero.

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