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by adam mathes
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Counting Polygons

“There are no good games.”

“You don’t understand the new video game paradigm. This isn’t Nintendo. Instead of having one really good blockbuster game - all the games are pretty good.”

“No, you don’t understand. Gamecube wasn’t good because of blockbusters, but because it had lots of games worth owning the system for. It wasn’t just Zelda, it was Viewtiful Joe, Eternal Darkness, Super Monkey Ball. Dreamcast had Crazy Taxi and Jet Grind Radio - neither of which were blockbusters but provided enough fun to survive sophomore year of college. Nothing on the XBox 360 is worth owning the console for.”

“What about Kameo?”

“Sucks. If I wanted to play an awkward controlling shapeshifter game I’d play Shadowcaster.”

“Come on, the Project Gotham Racing game is good.”

“It’s less fun than Metropolis Street Racer for the Dreamcast. Five years later and they’ve managed to make the 4th sequel totally worse. It’s like all with all the extra polygons they had to drop the fun to make room.”

“Perfect Dark Zero?”

“Ok, it’s pretty good, but Bond on Nintendo 64 was bigger, more varied, more fun. Again, more polygons, better graphics, very little actual innovation or fun. Just because Joanna Dark is hot doesn’t mean the game is good.”

“Gun?”

“Available on every other platform, but the XBox 360 version was $10 more. What the fuck, am I paying by the polygon now?

“Stop saying polygon. Ok, when I said all the games were good maybe I meant they were all mediocre. But that’s like, just as good.”

“I can’t believe you made me spend $800 on this shit.”

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