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by adam mathes
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Roasted

This weekend is Hammad’s wedding reception.

I think I’ll be the only friend of his from high school present, and one of only two of Hammad’s friends present, so it may be “expected” of me to stand up and give a toast.

This would, of course, be a tragedy since I’m incapable of such things.

Since there will be about 500 people there, most of whom are friends of Hammad’s parents or in-laws, it’ll be a tough crowd. So the natural “roast-style” toast I would give would be inappropriate.

The best alternative I’ve come up with is to just to do the sappiest, most over-the top stuff I can think of. Stuff like -

“Ever since I met Hammad when we were children, he knew he wanted to dedicate his life to helping people. It’s no surprise to me he’s become a cardiologist. Above all else, Hammad wants to help humanity.”

And…

“I remember when Hammad first met her. He called me, and, he was crying. ‘She’s the one, I know it.’ And I don’t do this very often, but I was crying too.”

The genius of course would be that they would be compelte and total lies, but nobody but Hammad and myself would know that.

Helping people? We both know it’s all about the Benjamins.

But since there’s no alcohol at the reception this will be impossible to pull off.

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