Summer FAQ

The few people who talk to me all the ask the same fricking questions, so in the interests of time I've decided to put up the most frequently asked questions and answers here.

What are you doing this summer?
Nothing.

Seriously, what are you doing this summer? Didn't you get a job?
No, I didn't get a job. Basically, I'm sitting on my ass, reading books, playing computer games, repairing some nearly dead computers, swimming, sitting in my backyard, and failing in my attempts to write.

Why didn't you get a job?
I decided I needed some time off. This is the first summer I'm not taking classes or working. Since I'm lucky enough that I do not have to work this summer, I am taking some time to just do my own thing. I feel burned out. I'm hoping taking an extended vacation might make me a little less chronically uptight. I'm too tense, I'm trying to mellow out.

Mellow? Less uptight? Huh? What happened to "I have everyone, fuck the world?"
Well, I think I can still be a pessimistic bastard but chill out a little. Less cynicism, more apathy.

What are the greatest cartoon series ever made?
Wow, that's a really great question. I've been thinking a lot about that, I'm glad you asked.

The Tick - Clearly a work of comic genius. The first season of this Fox series of Ben Edlund's comic superheroes in a mundane world was great. Much of the humor is wasted on the kids who watched Saturday morning cartoons, as much of the humor was geared towards an older audience, but kids and teenage losers like myself all loved it.

Battletech - The cartoon series based on the vast FASA board game world of giant robots was an underappreciated gem. Not only did it have quality cartoon plots and characters in the fascinating world of the Inner Sphere right at the time of the Clans invasion, but mixed in with the traditional animation were excellent computer-generated mech battle scenes. This was some of the finest computer generated animation to be used in a cartoon series ever.

Thundercats - While I'm probably a little biased towards cartoons I watched in my early youth rather than my teenage years, I think it's indisputable that the Thundercats were just the coolest cartoon heroes ever. Besides, I watched the entire series over again when it ran on Toonami while I was in high school, and it was even better than I remembered it. I want to be like Lion-O when I grow up.

Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends - Although Fox has recently br /ought spidey back to television in a solo series, I still think the old NBC series from the mid-1980's was better. Sure, Stan Lee didn't have full creative control, so the corporate fuddy duddy's forced spidey, the ultimate loner, to work with Iceman and Firestar, and have a stupid dog, the series was still awesome. It's just classic cheesy cartoon heroes at their finest. And Spider-Man is portrayed as the geeky student that I identified with, while in the new series he's just not dorky enough any more. That's what make Marvel heroes, and in particular spidey so great: they're just normal guys who have chanced upon great power. But, as Spidey has taught us all, "With great power comes great responsibility."

Ok, I think that's way more than enough.
But I haven't even gotten to my current favorite, The Powerpuff Girls. And what about Sailor Moon! I love Sailor Moon!

You watch that one-step removed from kiddie porn crap?
Sailor Moon is so cool! Just because the sailor outfit is the Japanese equivalent to the Catholic Schoolgirl plaid skirt outfit in no way means...

Right. Who's your favorite Sailor Scout?
That's a really tough question. For me the decision usually comes down to Sailor Mars or Sailor Jupiter, usually settling on Mars, but lately I've been finding myself partial to Sailor Mercury.

You have problems. No 19 year old should answer that question with an answer they've thought so much about.
At least I didn't say I preferred Rini over the scouts.

What annoys you most these days?
Missing Sailor Moon at 3pm on Cartoon Network's Toonami. And that new guy on Toonami, Tom, I hate him. I miss Moltar, now there was a Toonami host. Actually, that's about it. Since I never leave the house anymore I've managed to set up my stupid little life into something that does not annoy me.

What books are you reading?
You know, stuff.

What, like postmodern cultural theory?
Some of that, sure. I have to stay informed on the po-mo, you know? Mostly I'm reading crappy Battletech novels.

So you're letting your mind and body atrophy?
I still read suck everyday.

Daphne or Velma?
Velma. Besides, I'd probably have to beat up that little tool Fred if I went for Daphne. While Fred wouldn't be a problem, before you know it he'd probably get Alan from Josie and the Pussycats into the fight, and I'm not sure I could take on Alan.

Josie or Melanie?
I don't know, that's a tough one. Melanie's laugh is so annoyingly cute, but Josie's got that great red hair. It's a painful decision, but I guess I'd go with Josie.

Blossom, Bubbles, or Buttercup?
The Powerpuff Girls are in kindergarten, you sick bastard!

I merely meant which was your favorite, you pervert.
Oh. Right. Exactly. I mean, that's what we've been talking about the whole time, right? Heh... Bubbles is my favorite. I know she's the cliche dumb cutesy blonde, but is that wrong?

Are you still obsessed with retrogaming?
Of course not. Using emulators and copyrighted roms to play 15 year old arcade games is illegal and wrong. Very wrong. Besides, I completed my neo*geo collection. Ok, so maybe kind of ordered a hotrod. Yes, the deluxe, "ready for street fighter II" se version.