Mistakes Were Made
January 9, 2001
Preface: Have I mentioned recently that I suck? Sorry about that.
I'm shutting down Organizine, barely a week after it launched to the public.
Everyone thinks I'm crazy. This is understandable. I probably am.
When you run a completely free service for a week, I don't think you "owe" anybody an explanation, as some have suggested to me. I mean, really, that's just absurd. I don't owe anybody anything, I was giving away software and storage space for free, asked for nothing in return, and made no guarantees about the service.
And there really isn't much of an explanation that will make anyone feel any better. This is more about me than anything else, which is why it is in the personal essays section of my personal web site, not on the front page of Organizine.
Yes, I'm shutting it down for "personal reasons."
I just don't want to run the service, it's that simple.
I enjoyed writing the software, I enjoyed using the software, I enjoyed seeing my friends use and like the software, and to a cetain extent I enjoyed seeing people I didn't know use and like what I created.
But I just don't want to be responsible for hundreds of users' content, and supporting and maintaining a web application. It's too much responsibility that I don't want.
I just don't want to deal with it at all while I'm in school.
It's not that I can't do it, I simply don't want to. Is that selfish? Of course, I'm the first to admit that it is. I probably don't have the right kind of personality to run a project like this. I should have thought a lot more about the sorts of things that were involved in providing a free web application that stored and published content before launching it to the public.
And giving things away for free doesn't really work forever, you know. And for every kind and grateful person that makes it seem worthwhile, there are a dozen other rude, ungrateful jerks. But I expected that.
I don't think any of the issues I have are insurmountable, it's just that I do not want to deal with them right now. Leaving it running and never bothering to support it, or worry about backups, and security and hosting and a bunch of other things is not an option. I would just leave me feeling guilty and horrible.
Aww, aww, poor me, I'd feel "bad."
But it was honestly making me physically ill.
I know, I'm crazy, that's my fault.
Cliche as it is, I just don't like the way I'm living my life right now.
I'm 20. I'm a college student. I'm still a kid. These aren't the problems I want to deal with. These aren't the things I want to worry about. And I don't have to, these are responsibilities I've taken on myself and I can get rid of them if I so choose. And I'm choosing to do so.
"Can I just say something here that may be a bit out of line?" my roommate Yuping asked me at lunch today as I explained all this to him.
"After months, you finally launch this thing over winter break, and now you're shutting it down."
Organizine isn't what I want to do with my junior year of college. This isn't what's going to make me happy. I'm neglecting the things that are important to me. Sometimes I'm not even sure what those things are anymore.
And I know that this is drastic, and stupid, and that Organizine and the Internet are not my problem. I am my problem, no arguments there.
I can't deal with change. Anybody that knows me knows I can't deal with change, at all. Drastic measures are the only things that force it in me.
What I'm trying to say is, I'm taking an extended break from web applications, personal publishing, the Internet, and all the rest of it. This isn't some cry for attention, I'll be fine, I just need to figure some things out and deal with the real world exclusively for a while.
I'm sorry to the users who genuinely liked Organizine and were planning on using it. But it was only available for a week, I honestly doubt that anyone has put so much content into this application as to be seriously affected by its closure, and it does transfer the files to your server so that in an event like this, you don't really lose your content, but still, I'm sorry. But it's better to do this now after a week than wait months and stop it due to some catastrophe I'm unwilling to deal with.
Thanks to everyone who said nice things to me about Organizine, and was positive about it. It was nice to know that some people actually liked it. And like all the rest of my mistakes in life, it was definitely a learning experience.
So, basically, I'm a selfish asshole. I never claimed I wasn't.
Anyway, this will be the last texty text for a while, not that they were ever that frequent. I'm going back to scribbling things in a notebook for a while. Oh, and leave my room. I'm going to try and do more of that too.
copyright 2001 adam mathes